Seillans Paradise: Your Dream Holiday Home Awaits (Private Pool!)
Okay, buckle up buttercups, because we're about to dive headfirst into the world of
Accessibility: The First Impression (and Let's Be Honest, It Matters)
Right off the bat, let’s talk about accessibility. Because if you can’t get to the fancy spa, what’s the point, eh?
- Wheelchair accessible: Promising, but verification is KEY.
- Facilities for disabled guests: Check. Now, how good are they?
- Elevator: Essential.
Inside the Fortress of Comfort: Rooms & Wi-Fi (aka, the Battle of the Tech)
Okay, let's talk rooms. The amenities list reads like my ideal lazy afternoon. "Air conditioning," "Blackout curtains" (bless!), "Coffee/tea maker" (essential for human function), “Free Wi-Fi in all rooms!” (Hallelujah!). I'm already picturing myself sprawled on a bed, bathed in the glorious, Netflix-provided glow of… wait for it… free Wi-Fi. They also offer Internet [LAN], but who even uses those things anymore? Like, is it 2003?
BUT… let's get real. I have experienced hotels where the "free Wi-Fi" is so slow you'd think it was powered by hamsters on tiny treadmills. This is the number one thing I'd be checking with other guests before I booked. A hotel can have all the spa treatments in the world, but if your internet connection is rubbish, you might as well be living in a cave.
- Free Wi-Fi in all rooms!: The promised land. But is it lag-free?
- Internet, Internet [LAN], Internet services: Options. Again, ask about the speeds.
- Available in all rooms So much, you'll never leave your room.
- Air conditioning Important because, sweat is not my friend.
- Bathrobes, Slippers, Towels the holy trinity of comfort
Pampering & Pleasure: Spa, Fitness, and the Quest for Bliss
This is where
Let me tell you a story. I once went to a hotel with a "spa" that turned out to be a dingy room filled with chipped tiles and the faint smell of mildew. Never again. So, I'd be scrutinizing reviews for the spa. Is it actually relaxing? Are the masseuses skilled or do they just know the motions? I'm also judging the sauna and steam room. Are they clean? Are the towels fluffy? These are important things, people!
- Spa, Spa/sauna, Steamroom, Massage Sounds amazing!
- Pool with view: A total game changer.
- Fitness center, Gym/fitness: If you must.
- Swimming pool, Swimming pool [outdoor]: A must have
Food, Glorious Food: Dining and Drinking Adventures
Oh, the food. This is where hotels often either soar or crash land.
The hotel also boasts a "Vegetarian restaurant" which is a huge plus in my book, and “Asian cuisine in restaurant”. I would be definitely be checking for positive food reviews. Are the staff attentive? Is the food fresh? Because, let's be honest, a bad meal can ruin a whole vacation.
- Breakfast [buffet], Breakfast service, Buffet in restaurant, Asian breakfast, Western breakfast, Breakfast in room: Options!
- Coffee/tea in restaurant, Coffee shop Crucial for caffeine addicts like me.
- Poolside bar Sounds tempting for a cocktail by the pool.
- Happy hour Always a winner.
- Restaurants, A la carte in restaurant, Snack bar, Soup in restaurant, Salad in restaurant, Desserts in restaurant: The more, the merrier, right?
Cleanliness & Safety: The New Normal (and My OCD)
Okay, this is the most important section, especially in the current climate.
- Anti-viral cleaning products: Good.
- Daily disinfection in common areas: Good again.
- Rooms sanitized between stays: Excellent.
- Hand sanitizer: Essential.
- Staff trained in safety protocol: Vital.
I’m going to be looking for reviews from recent guests, and asking if they felt safe and that the hotel actually practices what they preach. If the lobby is sticky, the staff seems indifferent, and there's a general air of chaos… run. Find somewhere that treats hygiene like a holy grail.
Services and Conveniences: The Perks and the Pitfalls
There are a ton of services! A "Concierge," "Doorman," "Daily housekeeping" (yes, please), "Laundry service" (a lifesaver), "Luggage storage." All the usual suspects.
- Cash withdrawal, Currency exchange, Dry cleaning, Ironing service, Laundry service, Luggage storage, Safety deposit boxes: Standard stuff, but handy.
- Concierge, Doorman, Daily housekeeping: The dream.
- Invoice provided: Okay.
- Wi-Fi for special events: Nice to have.
For the Kids: Family-Friendly Fun or Family-Friendly… Chaos?
"Babysitting service," "Family/child friendly," "Kids facilities," "Kids meal." Okay, it sounds like it's aiming for the family market.
- Babysitting service, Family/child friendly, Kids facilities, Kids meal: Great if traveling with little ones!
Getting Around: Location, Location, Location… and Transportation!
They offer "Airport transfer," "Car park [on-site]," "Taxi service," and "Valet parking." That's really helpful!
- Airport transfer, Car park [free of charge], Car park [on-site], Taxi service, Valet parking: Convenient for getting around.
- Bicycle parking: bonus points for environmentally conscious travelers
Rooms & More Rooms
"Non-smoking rooms," "Soundproof rooms,” "Air conditioning" (again!), "Blackout curtains" (again!), “Complimentary tea” (essential). “Free” things are always nice. I’m also looking for "Private bathroom" (duh!), "Hair dryer" (my hair thanks you!), and "Mini bar" (sneaky snacks, yes!).
- Non-smoking rooms, Soundproof rooms, Air conditioning, Alarm clock, Bathrobes, Bathtub, Blackout curtains, Closet, Coffee/tea maker, Complimentary tea, Daily housekeeping, Desk, Extra long bed, Free bottled water, Hair dryer, Internet access – wireless, Internet access – LAN, In-room safe box, Laptop workspace, Mini bar, Private bathroom, Satellite/cable channels, Separate shower/bathtub, Shower, Slippers, Smoke detector, Soundproofing, Television, Toiletries, Towels, Wake-up service, Wi-Fi [free], Window that opens: Lots of good stuff to make sure I'll never want to leave my room.
Safety and Security: Peace of Mind
"CCTV in common areas," "CCTV outside property", "Fire extinguisher," "Front desk [24-hour]," "Security [24-hour]," "Smoke alarms." Sounds pretty secure, but of course I want to be sure.
- **Access, CCTV in common areas, CCTV outside property, Check-in/out [express], Check-in/out [private], Couple's room, Exterior corridor, Fire extinguisher, Front desk [24-hour], Hotel chain, Non-smoking rooms, Proposal spot, Room decorations, Safety
Okay, buckle up Buttercup, because this ain't your grandma's itinerary. We're going to Seillans, France, to a supposed-to-be-beautiful holiday home with a swimming pool. Prepare for the reality, folks. Prepare for… me.
Seillans: A Messy, Wonderful, Possibly French-Fry-Free Adventure
(Because let's be honest, I'm already picturing myself craving a frites situation.)
Day 1: Arrival and Existential Pool Contemplation
10:00 AM - 12:00 PM: The Dreaded Journey. Seriously, who invented flying? It's a logistical nightmare. Airport chaos, delayed flights, the guy next to me clipping his toenails (true story, ugh). Finally… we land. (Thank god, I thought I was going to lose it.)
12:00 PM - 2:00 PM: Car Rental - The Great Negotiation. Right, French car rental. Prepare for the hard sell. "Sir, are you sure you don't need the insurance for… EVERYTHING?" Yes, I'm sure! My bank account is already weeping. (And pray the GPS doesn't lead us into a farmer's field. Again.)
2:00 PM - 3:30 PM: The Glorious Drive - (Hopefully) To Seillans. Okay, scenic vistas. Rolling hills. Sun-drenched vineyards. Trying to focus on the good vibes. But the driving is a nightmare, the French are a menace on the road… Why did I think driving in France would be romantic?
3:30 PM - 4:30 PM: The House! (Fingers Crossed). Unpacking, the ultimate test of patience. Checking for bed bugs (a must, apparently), assessing the pool situation (is it clean? Is it warm? Is it real?). Honestly, the pool is the whole reason I'm here, I need it to be gorgeous.
4:30 PM - 6:00 PM: Existential Pool Contemplation (and Wine). Okay, the pool is… okay. Not the crystal-clear, infinity-edge, Instagram-worthy dream I had, but it'll do. Crack open a bottle of rosé (because, France) and just… be. Feel the sun on my face, and try to forget about the existential dread that comes with being a human.
6:00 PM - 7:30 PM: Grocery Store Shenanigans. French supermarkets are an adventure. Trying to understand the labels, finding something that's not entirely goat cheese, and resisting the urge to buy ALL the pastries. (I won't lie to you, I failed at the pastry part.)
7:30 PM onwards: Dinner and Star Gazing. Pasta. (Because it's easy.) Setting up the telescope (fingers crossed the instructions are in English), and staring at the night sky. Feeling small and insignificant in all the best ways.
Day 2: Village Vibes and The "Lost in Translation" Lunch Incident
9:00 AM - 10:00 AM: Coffee and Croissants. Okay, this is living the dream. The local bakery is to die for. But… the woman made me a sad little coffee, it's so very French.
10:00 AM - 12:00 PM: Exploring Seillans - The Beautiful (Allegedly). Wandering around the village: Cobblestone streets, charming little shops, and the feeling that I've stumbled into a postcard. I try to take some nice photos, but my phone is filled with terrible photos.
12:00 PM - 2:00 PM: Lunch: The "Lost in Translation" Incident. Right, this is where things got interesting. We decided to try a local restaurant. Now, my French is… rudimentary, at best. I think I ordered a salad. What arrived was… a plate of what can best be described as mystery vegetables. I have no idea what half of it was. I just ate it, with a confused look and a lot of bread.
2:00 PM - 4:00 PM: Pool Time - Round Two. Sunbathing, reading, and pretending I'm a sophisticated European. Until, I hear the water pump. That's not good. Does it mean a whole new level of cleaning? Does it mean the pool is leaking? Oh god.
4:00 PM - 5:00 PM: Repair Attempt/Pool Doctor. Time to call the property manager. Time to cross my fingers and hope the pool gets better.
6:00 PM - 7:00 PM: Sunset Drinks and Regret. Drinking a cocktail as the sun sets. Still pretty, still wonderful, still questioning every life choice that led me here.
7:00 PM - 8:00 PM: Easy dinner. Pasta Again. This time with fresh ingredients.
Day 3: Market Mayhem and The Olive Oil Crisis
- 9:00 AM - 11:00 AM: Market Day! Visiting the local market is an absolute delight. The smells! The colors! The crowds! I try to haggle with the locals, fail miserably, and end up paying too much for some ridiculously overpriced olive oil. But it’s delicious.
- 10:00 AM - 11:00 AM: (Specifically) Olive Oil Tasting. Yes. I double down. I want to experience the pure oil. From the purest, richest, fruitiest of olive oils. I'm getting a lesson in olives. And I'm going to learn about the Terroir of my olive.
- 11:00 AM - 12:00 PM: Olive Oil Purchase. The ultimate decision. Which one is the best? Which one will make me feel superior? The pressure! I choose one. Now to get it home.
- 11:00 AM - 12:00 PM - Lunch, Picnic Chaos Sandwhiches. I attempt to put it together. Failed.
- 12:00 PM - 4:00 PM: Scenic Drive and "Lost" Experience. Taking a scenic drive. And this is where things went a bit off-piste. I followed the winding roads, got gloriously lost, saw some goats, and had the most beautiful views. In the end and after many stops, I was no longer lost.
- 4:00 PM - 6:00 PM: Pool, or no Pool? Will it ever be fine?
- 6:00 PM onwards: Movie Night
- No more French TV.
Day 4: Departure (Sobbing)
9:00 AM - 11:00 AM: Last Swim, Last Croissant, Last Tears? One last swim in the pool, even if it is still a little murky. One last croissant, savouring every bite, knowing this idyllic moment will soon give way to… reality. The whole pool thing will be gone.
11:00 AM - 12:00 PM: Packing and General Meltdown. Packing: the bane of my existence. Trying to cram everything back into my suitcase, wondering if I will ever be able to wear any of these clothes again. General breakdown.
12:00 PM - 2:00 PM: Drive to Airport: "Au Revoir," Seillans. Another scenic drive. (Goodbye, France.)
2:00 PM - 4:00 PM: Airport Drama. The airport is always a nightmare, something will go wrong.
4:00 PM onwards: Home. Sad, Tired, And ready for a new adventure. With a better pool, of course.
There you have it. A slightly messy, occasionally grumpy, and hopefully hilarious account of my Seillans adventure. Remember, not all vacations are perfect, and sometimes the best memories come from the unexpected! Now go forth and embrace the chaos! And make sure you bring your own pool cleaner. Just in case.
Escape to Paradise: Your Dream Holiday Awaits at Ankerherz, Butjadingen!
So, what *is* "stuff," exactly? (Please don't make me explain this again...)
Ugh, fine. "Stuff" is basically... everything. Literally. Your grandma's chipped teacup? Stuff. The existential dread that creeps in while you're doing the dishes? Stuff. That weird stain on the ceiling you keep meaning to investigate? Stuff. The concept of "stuff" is so broad, so all-encompassing, that it's almost meaningless. But trust me, it *feels* real. It *weighs* on you. It, in essence, IS life. (And yes, sometimes I get a little dramatic about it.)
Okay, okay, I get the 'everything' concept. But WHY are we talking about it? Is this some kind of philosophical breakdown of consumerism?
Philosophical breakdown? Ha! More like a semi-organized therapy session I'm forcing on you. Look, it started with a box. A box of... things. Things I’d convinced myself were important. Stuff like old concert ticket stubs, a half-broken snow globe (it only snows when you *really* don't need it), and a hideous ceramic troll figurine. Then I started unpacking emotionally... which led to the realization that *all* the stuff – the clutter in my house, the clutter in my brain – was kinda suffocating me. So, here we are. You with me, or you got errands to run?
If you hate all this stuff, why don't you just… get rid of it? Marie Kondo this whole mess?
Oh, you sweet summer child. I've TRIED. The KonMari method? Read the book, folded my socks (still haven't mastered the art of perfect folding, by the way - the socks are stubborn!), and felt... nothing. Except, maybe, an overwhelming urge to eat a whole bag of chips. And the truth is, some of it *is* hard to let go. That old t-shirt from the... (deep breath)... the "Awful Band" tour of '98? Ugly as sin, but it represents an entire, slightly embarrassing, chapter of my life. And the memories? They make the shirt, somehow, a little less awful. See? Messy. Imperfect. Human. Honestly, that T shirt is now hanging in the "Memories" section of my closet.
What’s the *most* ridiculous piece of stuff you own? The one that makes you think, "What was I *thinking*?"
Oof. Okay, prepare yourself. This is a deep cut. It’s... a ceramic cat head. Yes, a *head*. Like, the whole body is gone. Just a ceramic cat head. I found it at a flea market. The woman selling it said it was "vintage." And the cat probably wouldn't have liked it. It's kinda creepy - big, vacant eyes staring into your soul. I have NO idea why I bought it. I think I was trying to be ironic. I was clearly not working. It's been collecting dust on a shelf for, oh, maybe a decade. And when I *do* look at it, I remember the day I bought it.. I was having the worst day, and this thing just... called to me. *shudders* Sometimes I think the cat head *judges* me. And yes, I’m still trying to figure out how to get rid of it (without feeling like a massive jerk). Suggestions welcome.
Do you think it’s *good* or *bad* to have all this stuff?
I'm not sure! It's definitely complicated. On one hand, all this stuff is a constant reminder of my poor impulse control and my inability to let go of an old concert tee and a weird cat head. It's also, honestly, expensive to *maintain*. But... it's also a part of me. Those concert tickets? They're a time machine. The cat head? It's a story. Maybe the stuff is the background noise, the soundtrack that plays while I'm doing the dishes (metaphorically and literally). It’s the messy, beautiful, frustrating, and often hilarious evidence of a life lived. So, I guess... it's both? It's the mess that makes it all worth it. Now pass the chips, will ya? I have thoughts.
What's the *strangest* thing about this whole "stuff" situation?
The strangest thing? How much *emotion* is attached to it. I swear, a broken toaster can send me into a spiral of existential despair. A lost button from a favorite shirt can make me feel… surprisingly bereft. It's like these inanimate objects are somehow... extensions of myself. And that feeling – that connection – is both fascinating and utterly exhausting. Maybe that’s the ultimate lesson. We're all just a collection of stories, clinging to our memories with every single piece of "stuff" we can find. And it's *okay*. Okay? Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to have a serious talk with my ceramic cat head. Wish me luck.
